Pancakes and Green Olives...Yum!
The other day I had a food craving for pancakes and green olives. Before you get out the Tums...I wasn't craving them together. I wanted warm buttery pancakes with maple syrup. Then, I wanted to sit in my pjs with a jar of green olives and watch The Biggest Loser. Before we go any further, I will give the following warning (just as I did when I posted this as my facebook status): If any person dares to suggest that I am "with child", they shall be banished from this blogdom for all eternity!!
You see my uterus and I have come to an understanding. She gets to remain intact, but she is never again to experience the blessed joy of carrying a human life. Don't get me wrong, my uterus and I still get kinda sentimental when I hold a cuddly baby or see a cute toddler dressed in a neon purple tutu. And my heart sighs, wondering what it would be like to have another child. But shortly thereafter, my brain starts screaming at all of us to cut it out already, and I give the cuddlebum baby back to her mother… just in time for a diaper change.
I adore children, I really do. And I happen to be quite smitten with my daughter who is almost 9. But once she started school and those years of diapers, bottles and bed-rails were behind us, my husband and I both realized we didn't have an interest in growing the size of our family. A lot of things were considered before we made that decision. My husband’s frequent training and deployment schedule, my fear of gaining 700 pounds during pregnancy again, the rising cost of everything child related, you get the picture. But honestly, we are perfectly content with the family we have. We are close, enjoy our lives together, and just feel we were meant to be a 3 person family.
In the interest of full-disclosure I should tell you that for me, a big part of the decision was that I just did not enjoy pregnancy the way some women do. By the time I was ready to give birth I lived in one very large mumu and was roughly the size of a house. A very large, lopsided, wobbly house…with a painful sciatic nerve. When my husband drove me to the hospital to have Morgan I could not buckle the seat belt in the car. I wondered if anyone had ever required the "jaws of life" so they could get out of their car and birth a child. Needless to say, we take great precaution in preventing the above mentioned conception. I will tell you however (whether you want to hear it or not), that after almost 11 years of marriage, my husband and I are still pretty darn crazy in love, and feel very lucky to still have a growing passion for one another. So pregnancy prevention is of great concern to me.
During Joey’s last deployment (the best birth-control method ever by the way), I said that the perfect gift for my 35th birthday would be to have everything tied up in a very tight, non-reversible bow. But just as I was making the appointment to get "fixed", my husband called from Iraq and asked me to wait. "Wha, what?!" was my dumbfounded reply. My dear husband, who has been content with the size of our family since he was suiting up to be in the room for my c-section, was all of a sudden having doubts. I asked him about this change of heart to which he replied "Well me and some of the guys were just sitting around out here talking about babies and I got to thinking. Maybe we shouldn't close that door just yet".
Hmm. For the life of me I could not understand why a group of Marines FIGHTING a WAR would be picking out baby names. Marines should be out there searching for naked pictures online, dreaming of beer, and picking out the new truck they want to buy when they return home. I realize they all spend countless hours thinking of all the adult activities they will hopefully get to participate in after homecoming, but babies?! Really?!
Shortly after his return (when real life smacked him upside the head again), he changed his mind and decided we were not in the market for a bouncing baby after all. So there we were back to preventing pregnancy to the very best of our ability. In fact a few months ago I was taking my pill when that little sneaky thing flung out of my hand and tried to hide under the bed. There I was in my super sexy tee-shirt nightgown, crawling under the bed with a book light, frantically trying to find the escapee. 30 minutes later and covered in dog hair (me, not the pill thank heavens), I found the little pink bugger and promptly took it! That was a close one my friends, close indeed.
All kidding aside, I do have quite a few medical problems that would make pregnancy difficult and taking care of baby challenging. Hence the conclusion that another child isn't practical. I would rather be the best mom possible to my daughter and not risk my health. Besides, my uterus ain't the spring chicken she used to be ya know?
Speaking of spring chickens, I was at the doctor’s office not too long ago. During check-in this very nice 16 year old Corpsman was asking me those standard questions that we have all heard a million times. I wasn't really paying attention when he asked me "Ma'am, are you still menstruating?" It wasn't until I got home and was getting ready for bed when it hit me! I stormed out of the bathroom screeching at my poor half-asleep husband, "That 14 year old Corpsmen asked me if I was still menstruating"!!!! My husband didn't understand what I was so upset about. I explained to him that in asking me that question, this kid was assuming that I was old enough to be going through menopause!! The change!! He still didn't get it, and I started to have a hot flash.
Unbelievably I was just at the doctor’s office the other day and a new 12 year old Corpsman was asking all the same questions. I was relieved when he asked me when my last menstrual cycle was. Finally. Someone who appreciates that all those years of eye-cream have not been in vain. I proudly answered "September of 2008" (thank you YAZ), to which he immediately looked at me with alarm asking me if I had taken a pregnancy test. I looked at him and said, "If I have been pregnant since September of 2008 we have a big problem don't ya think"? He just smiled and nodded. Bless his heart. He couldn't have been a day over 11, really.
So despite all the food cravings, menopausal tendencies and a record breaking 18 month pregnancy scare, we are not expecting and have no desire to do so in the future. I realize that just the mere act of posting this piece will make me the most fertile woman on the East Coast. So if you have a cute little cuddle baby, please bring them over so I can love on them. It may just trick the fertility gods long enough to leave my uterus alone. If they are wearing a neon purple tutu, please bring them over now. I promise to return them when I have gotten my fill, or when a diaper needs changing.
Many Kind Regards,
Erin
Categories: Marine Spouse,Life,Kids,Family
Tags: Motherhood Marriage Marine Wife Joey Kids Deployment
I love your wit! I am glad that you and your Husband are still very much in love. My Husband and I are (after 8 years together) And sometimes I wonder "Will our fire ever 'burn out', or fade?". I sometimes see couples who, you can tell, have died down to just a peck on the cheek (even when alone) and Lovin on a 'Schedule', like a routine! I've even been told that we will end up like that. But why? Who HAS to? I don't see anything wrong with being 8 more years along, ans still as crazy for eachother as ever! And, I see it can be done
Reply to this
don't worry my amazing little cuddlebum and her neon tutu will always be around for you to snuggle to help keep that mean uterus of yours at bay! lol yet another great read good job Erin!
Reply to this
Wait until you accidentally drop one of those pink pills down the sink. Sigh. Then you just have to go on with the next day and hope that the fact that your pills are one day off won't make a difference.
Reply to this
I love how the Corpsmen kept getting younger and younger. The part about the bc pill trying to escape was hilarious. Made me LOL, literally.
Reply to this
What a great story. Kept me laughing. I, however, understand about not wanting more kids. I was "fixed" when I was 22 and have never regretted it. Thanks for the wonderful story.
Reply to this