The Little Pop Tab That Could
We have all had a time in our lives where we felt completely helpless and unable to make a difference in this world. As a wife of a Marine there are many times when I feel like there is nothing I can do to make those deployments any easier on my husband and daughter. Care packages don’t seem to be enough…late night talks with Morgan to comfort her don’t seem to work. If we get PCS orders, there is not much I can do about it but roll with the punches…it feels very helpless. When Brendon was sick and we knew that his brain cancer was terminal, I felt a sense of desperation that I will never be able to fully put into words. Certainly there was something that could be done…how in the world could this beautiful child be taken away from us? We spent a lot of time with Brendon last summer and I do not dismiss the fact that we did what we knew was right by being there with him, but again…it just didn’t seem like enough. By nature I am a woman who likes to have control of the things in her life. The past few years have taught me that we really don’t have control over much, and that has to be okay. We just have to continue to do what we can and hope that one day we will see that a seed we have planted has sprouted somehow, somewhere. Recently I received a phone call that helped to remind me that one person does have the ability to make a difference…when you continue to plant seeds everywhere you are, eventually something will take root and will start to grow.
Shortly after Brendon died in September of last year, I attended a class on base called LINKS. The class is intended to teach military spouses more about the Marine Corps, resources for military families, base information etc. Since October I have been a LINKS Mentor, now helping to teach other spouses about this crazy thing we call military life. But I will be honest, I almost never attended that LINKS session. Brendon had just passed days before, my husband was deployed, I was planning a memorial service in Havelock and I did not want to be there at all. But I had signed up to go, so I attended…promising myself that if I was forced to be sociable I would just leave. I was not in the mood to meet new people because at that moment in my life I felt like the only way to introduce myself properly was to say “Hi, my name is Erin and my nephew who was the most wonderful little boy on the planet just died.” So when I got there, I found a seat in the back…didn’t talk to many people and didn’t offer to participate in many activities. At the end of the 2nd days session I signed the paper saying that I wanted to volunteer as a mentor. The folks at LINKS had let me be in the corner, had not forced me to be overly social and I appreciated that more than they would ever know. And I did learn a lot about the Marine Corps which surprised me. Next week I will celebrate being married to my Marine (and the Marine Corps) for 10 years. Certainly, I didn’t need a little class about it all right? Wrong. I still learn something every time I am there.
On that first day of the session we were shown the “Hospitality Suite” where they had tons of great food and cans of soda for us to help ourselves to over the next 2 days. Since Brendon spent so much time at the Ronald McDonald House I can’t help but ask everyone I ever meet with a soda can to give me their pop tab. (The Ronald McDonald House turns the tabs into a recycling center as a fundraiser for the house.) So that day I asked the group to please save them for RMH and I took the few collected home in a little Ziploc the next day. Since then, there are several mentors who collect pop tabs for me, and at the beginning of each session the participants are always asked to save their pop tabs and place them in a little baggie that now hangs above the recycling bin. I also have some friends who collect them for me, a local church who has given me many thousand tabs and kids at Morgan’s school who bring her little Ziplocs full of them that she totes home in her backpack. Not everyone knows that we collect these tabs in memory of Brendon, but many of them do and have been inspired by his story. But I would venture to guess that everyone who collects those tabs knows that they are being saved for the Ronald McDonald House. It makes me smile to think that after drinking a soda, there are people who are popping that tab and if only for a second…are thinking of Brendon or the RMH.
It had always been our plan, Morgan and I, to deliver the pop tabs to whatever Ronald McDonald House happened to be closest to Havelock, NC this summer, and I found out that the closest one was in Greenville. So one day I made that call and asked the person who answered the phone if myself, Morgan and some other military wives could come bring the tabs and possibly get a tour of the facility. When the person in charge of that called me back I was surprised to hear that this house served a great deal of military families and that they had been trying to reach out to the military in an attempt to find out how they could better serve those particular families. To be honest, it had never occurred to me that there might be a different set of needs for military families staying at the RMH but as we were talking it became very clear to me that there were some big ways that those families could be better served. Cathy and I set up a lunch date to talk further about the needs of military families. I could see the needs from both sides, I spent lots of time as a guest at RMH in Ft. Worth and I am also a Marine Wife. In addition I made a phone call to someone I knew on base and found out that there was an upcoming quarterly meeting with people on base that were involved in family readiness and they invited the Director of RMH to come talk to them about the House and the services they provide.
In short, Cathy and I had our meeting, came up with some great ideas and set a date for our little group of military wives to bring the pop tabs to the house. The next week I heard that the meeting on base had gone well. I continued to live my daily life of taking Morgan to school, volunteering on base, doing household chores…you know, all that fun stuff. As always I had some good days and a few bad days and on one of those bad days I received a message from Cathy that turned my mood around immediately. On the message she said something like “Erin, please call me when you get a chance. I was going to write you a letter about this, but just didn’t think that I would be able to tell you what an amazing day we had at the RMH today. Some FRO’s (Family Readiness Officers) from Cherry Point came to visit us and it was an eye-opening experience for everyone. We made great strides for our military families today and I wanted to tell you about it. You should be so proud of what you have done here and I know there is a little angel looking down on you who is proud as well.”
I called her back immediately and learned that in fact the FRO’s had not only visited the House but the Children’s Hospital as well. They were able to connect with the social workers and work on a plan to make it easier to get the necessary paper work filed for Marines who are in a situation where they need to be with their sick child for any extended period of time. Many of the FRO’s really didn’t know what the House did for the families they served and they all agreed that it would be great to have some military resources available at the House and the Children’s Hospital. Cathy told me that it was one of the most moving days she has experienced at the RMH in a long time and that I should be proud for putting it all in motion. I did not even know that the FRO’s were planning this visit. But because they now know about all this amazing charity does, they are telling others and getting more involved themselves. Perhaps asking someone else for their pop-tab when they see them drinking a soda.
When I hung up the phone I cried a little but they were not tears simply of loss for Brendon. They were of joy and pride. I was proud of what I had done. My love for Brendon and passion about the RMH had given me a reason to ask those ladies at LINKS to keep their tabs, it had caused me to make that phone call, it had set up the meeting on base, and had led to this event as well. I was thrilled. Nothing will ever fill the hole in my heart since Brendon’s death, but doing things to honor his memory helps to ease the pain…just a little. I know that being “Aunt Erin” to Brendon was a blessing, even if it only was for 5 years…and I will continue to honor that blessing by doing work for his foundation, and a couple of charities that were dear to Brendon. The Ronald McDonald House is a big one, Brendon loved being at the House in Ft. Worth. They are an amazing charity with absolutely no other agenda than to help the families they serve to the best of their ability. To be that home away from home to those that need it during one of the most difficult times in their lives. It truly is the “house that love built”. Right now we are in the process of planning our visit to the house in Greenville for June 30th and I know that it will be a day full of abundant blessings. Word is spreading, and several military wives that I have never even met before are joining us. Those seeds are being spread…and they are sprouting some beautiful flowers.
A friend of mine who attended the FRO visit told me that they heard the story of the “woman who carries the orange purse” and she knew that it was me. I laughed because it’s true…I do carry around a big, very bright orange purse because Brendon’s favorite color was orange. On the side of the purse I carry a big binder ring filled with…yep, pop tabs. People ask me about it all the time, and that is totally the point. Because of my big orange purse with those noisy tabs, more people know about the awesome charity RMH, and they hear the story of an amazing little boy who fought a brave battle against brain cancer. Maybe they hug their kids a little harder that night. And hopefully they pop those tabs and ask their neighbors to do the same.
Some days, the ring really gets on my nerves. It catches on everything, makes a lot of noise, and sometimes gets tangled with my keys causing me a fit in the car. But then I remember that it doesn’t matter how much they aggravate me…the awareness that I have been able to spread is priceless. And it all started with one little pop tab…
Many Kind Regards,
Erin
Shortly after Brendon died in September of last year, I attended a class on base called LINKS. The class is intended to teach military spouses more about the Marine Corps, resources for military families, base information etc. Since October I have been a LINKS Mentor, now helping to teach other spouses about this crazy thing we call military life. But I will be honest, I almost never attended that LINKS session. Brendon had just passed days before, my husband was deployed, I was planning a memorial service in Havelock and I did not want to be there at all. But I had signed up to go, so I attended…promising myself that if I was forced to be sociable I would just leave. I was not in the mood to meet new people because at that moment in my life I felt like the only way to introduce myself properly was to say “Hi, my name is Erin and my nephew who was the most wonderful little boy on the planet just died.” So when I got there, I found a seat in the back…didn’t talk to many people and didn’t offer to participate in many activities. At the end of the 2nd days session I signed the paper saying that I wanted to volunteer as a mentor. The folks at LINKS had let me be in the corner, had not forced me to be overly social and I appreciated that more than they would ever know. And I did learn a lot about the Marine Corps which surprised me. Next week I will celebrate being married to my Marine (and the Marine Corps) for 10 years. Certainly, I didn’t need a little class about it all right? Wrong. I still learn something every time I am there.
On that first day of the session we were shown the “Hospitality Suite” where they had tons of great food and cans of soda for us to help ourselves to over the next 2 days. Since Brendon spent so much time at the Ronald McDonald House I can’t help but ask everyone I ever meet with a soda can to give me their pop tab. (The Ronald McDonald House turns the tabs into a recycling center as a fundraiser for the house.) So that day I asked the group to please save them for RMH and I took the few collected home in a little Ziploc the next day. Since then, there are several mentors who collect pop tabs for me, and at the beginning of each session the participants are always asked to save their pop tabs and place them in a little baggie that now hangs above the recycling bin. I also have some friends who collect them for me, a local church who has given me many thousand tabs and kids at Morgan’s school who bring her little Ziplocs full of them that she totes home in her backpack. Not everyone knows that we collect these tabs in memory of Brendon, but many of them do and have been inspired by his story. But I would venture to guess that everyone who collects those tabs knows that they are being saved for the Ronald McDonald House. It makes me smile to think that after drinking a soda, there are people who are popping that tab and if only for a second…are thinking of Brendon or the RMH.
It had always been our plan, Morgan and I, to deliver the pop tabs to whatever Ronald McDonald House happened to be closest to Havelock, NC this summer, and I found out that the closest one was in Greenville. So one day I made that call and asked the person who answered the phone if myself, Morgan and some other military wives could come bring the tabs and possibly get a tour of the facility. When the person in charge of that called me back I was surprised to hear that this house served a great deal of military families and that they had been trying to reach out to the military in an attempt to find out how they could better serve those particular families. To be honest, it had never occurred to me that there might be a different set of needs for military families staying at the RMH but as we were talking it became very clear to me that there were some big ways that those families could be better served. Cathy and I set up a lunch date to talk further about the needs of military families. I could see the needs from both sides, I spent lots of time as a guest at RMH in Ft. Worth and I am also a Marine Wife. In addition I made a phone call to someone I knew on base and found out that there was an upcoming quarterly meeting with people on base that were involved in family readiness and they invited the Director of RMH to come talk to them about the House and the services they provide.
In short, Cathy and I had our meeting, came up with some great ideas and set a date for our little group of military wives to bring the pop tabs to the house. The next week I heard that the meeting on base had gone well. I continued to live my daily life of taking Morgan to school, volunteering on base, doing household chores…you know, all that fun stuff. As always I had some good days and a few bad days and on one of those bad days I received a message from Cathy that turned my mood around immediately. On the message she said something like “Erin, please call me when you get a chance. I was going to write you a letter about this, but just didn’t think that I would be able to tell you what an amazing day we had at the RMH today. Some FRO’s (Family Readiness Officers) from Cherry Point came to visit us and it was an eye-opening experience for everyone. We made great strides for our military families today and I wanted to tell you about it. You should be so proud of what you have done here and I know there is a little angel looking down on you who is proud as well.”
I called her back immediately and learned that in fact the FRO’s had not only visited the House but the Children’s Hospital as well. They were able to connect with the social workers and work on a plan to make it easier to get the necessary paper work filed for Marines who are in a situation where they need to be with their sick child for any extended period of time. Many of the FRO’s really didn’t know what the House did for the families they served and they all agreed that it would be great to have some military resources available at the House and the Children’s Hospital. Cathy told me that it was one of the most moving days she has experienced at the RMH in a long time and that I should be proud for putting it all in motion. I did not even know that the FRO’s were planning this visit. But because they now know about all this amazing charity does, they are telling others and getting more involved themselves. Perhaps asking someone else for their pop-tab when they see them drinking a soda.
When I hung up the phone I cried a little but they were not tears simply of loss for Brendon. They were of joy and pride. I was proud of what I had done. My love for Brendon and passion about the RMH had given me a reason to ask those ladies at LINKS to keep their tabs, it had caused me to make that phone call, it had set up the meeting on base, and had led to this event as well. I was thrilled. Nothing will ever fill the hole in my heart since Brendon’s death, but doing things to honor his memory helps to ease the pain…just a little. I know that being “Aunt Erin” to Brendon was a blessing, even if it only was for 5 years…and I will continue to honor that blessing by doing work for his foundation, and a couple of charities that were dear to Brendon. The Ronald McDonald House is a big one, Brendon loved being at the House in Ft. Worth. They are an amazing charity with absolutely no other agenda than to help the families they serve to the best of their ability. To be that home away from home to those that need it during one of the most difficult times in their lives. It truly is the “house that love built”. Right now we are in the process of planning our visit to the house in Greenville for June 30th and I know that it will be a day full of abundant blessings. Word is spreading, and several military wives that I have never even met before are joining us. Those seeds are being spread…and they are sprouting some beautiful flowers.
A friend of mine who attended the FRO visit told me that they heard the story of the “woman who carries the orange purse” and she knew that it was me. I laughed because it’s true…I do carry around a big, very bright orange purse because Brendon’s favorite color was orange. On the side of the purse I carry a big binder ring filled with…yep, pop tabs. People ask me about it all the time, and that is totally the point. Because of my big orange purse with those noisy tabs, more people know about the awesome charity RMH, and they hear the story of an amazing little boy who fought a brave battle against brain cancer. Maybe they hug their kids a little harder that night. And hopefully they pop those tabs and ask their neighbors to do the same.
Some days, the ring really gets on my nerves. It catches on everything, makes a lot of noise, and sometimes gets tangled with my keys causing me a fit in the car. But then I remember that it doesn’t matter how much they aggravate me…the awareness that I have been able to spread is priceless. And it all started with one little pop tab…
Many Kind Regards,
Erin
Posted by Erin at 6/19/2009 2:57 PM 
Categories: Ronald McDonald House,Brendon
Tags: LINKS Military USMC Brendon Military Life Ronald McDonald House Morgan Pop Tabs Marine Wife
Categories: Ronald McDonald House,Brendon
Tags: LINKS Military USMC Brendon Military Life Ronald McDonald House Morgan Pop Tabs Marine Wife
What an amazing story! Way to go!
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Oh my! Brought tears to my eyes. What a wonderful, uplifting story.
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Thank you Rissa
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