(Originally written in November of 2008)

So as many of you know Morgan and I were finally able to welcome Joey home this past Sunday. It was wonderful. It has been great to have our family back together again. We are all still adjusting to being around each other this much, but it is an adjustment we are happy to work through for as long as we are blessed to have him home. But his return also closed a chapter for me. A 7 month journey that I can honestly say held some of the most trying personal challenges I have ever experienced. A deployment is always tough. But this one, well she was a real doozy. Morgan had a much different reaction this time and that was tough on her. She understood what was going on and it truly impacted her the entire time Daddy was gone. I had some absolutely infuriating health problems that started 10 days after he left and were finally resolved about 10 days before he came home. (Thank Heaven) And then of course we suffered a tremendous loss when Brendon lost his battle with cancer on Sept. 10th. I am not certain that I will live long enough to ever really be open to learning the lessons that my dear 5 year old nephews death are supposed to teach me. But I do know that I learned some incredible lessons that I will not soon forget.

1) I can be Superwoman…but I prefer not to be thank you! Yes I have the ability to be everything to everyone at anytime, but frankly it is exhausting and I am just getting too old to prove myself to anyone, anymore. I learned that it is okay if you feed your child cereal for dinner and pizza for breakfast sometimes, or even every day for a week. I learned that its okay to let her stay up late on the weekends on occasion so you can “sleep in” the next day. I learned that if my house is a mess and you don’t like it then shut your eyes or stay on the front porch! Yes I am trying to be a better housekeeper but geez marie, I am not interested in my obituary reading “and boy howdy were her toilets clean”! I learned that it’s okay be in your pajamas till noon, or 8 pm because you are just slam worn out and changing will just mean more laundry. Besides I honestly do sleep in the same stuff I wear to the gym, hey at least this way it gets worn. And if my dentist can forgive me for falling asleep without brushing my teeth, well then please don’t judge me.
 
2) Even though it’s tempting to hide away in your house, you gotta get out there sister! Yes, I know this is a contradiction from the previous comment about staying in my pajamas past my gourmet dinner of raisin bran, but this is my blog and not a democracy, so I reserve the right to contradict to my little heart’s desire. If you are a stay at home Mom and a military wife, you have to find out where you can be in the company of other adult human beings AS SOON AS POSSIBLE or you will be on Fox News with the following headline: “Military spouse throws herself and small children off her roof while singing the theme song to The Backyardigans”. You have to volunteer at your kids school, on base, or at your church and you have to find a good babysitter so that you can on occasion go out somewhere (anywhere, like say the gas station even) without your child. We ADORE our children. But we are better Mom’s when we do this. And trust me, they are better kids when they don’t have to witness their Mom dancing in her pajamas, drinking Juicy Juice and singing every word to the latest Hannah Montana single.

3) Both car batteries will rot, the garage door will fall off, the dog will need psycho therapy and the washing machine will explode. It doesn’t matter who you are, how many deployments you have been through or how much of a handle you have on it…something involving your cars, your house, your pets and your appliances will happen during every deployment. You must roll with the punches. You must do this with grace and courage and then you may drink a bottle of wine when you put your kids to sleep. You must also get a membership to AAA, make nice with a handyman, find a great vet and save enough money to cover the replacement of each and every appliance in your home.
4) If you can’t send beer, then all they really want in those care packages are your homemade pecan brownies. And when I say homemade, I mean of course from the Betty Crocker box, but alas they were always stirred with love. I spent the first couple of months trying to send him everything I thought he might want or desire. I bought new items, creative items and then my Marine let it slip that he had to throw it away cause he was swimming in crap. So by the end I was throwing a Mens Health magazine in with a thousand “homemade” brownies, writing a letter and topping it all with a card from Morgan. He was happy, I was happy…and the Marines who snuck into his desk drawer to steal those brownies were happy as pigs in slop. Really.

5) I am absolutely in love with this country. I have always been a sap, okay I am usually a hot mess about the time those Toys for Tots USMC Christmas commercials start to air every year. But the point is, I was very aware that during this deployment I had a tear in my eye each Tuesday night as we stood for the National Anthem at the base theatre before the weekly free movie. I thought I would absolutely bawl my eyes out when I saw this little child (no more than 2) stand completely still during that anthem with her little hand on her heart next to her very pregnant mother whom I suspected would be giving birth without her husband this time. I got a lump in my throat every time I passed by the PX during the lunch hour and saw a bunch of Marines in their cammies eating lunch at Subway. And when my husband and the rest of his unit marched in formation all the way down that flight line carrying the USMC and United States flag during homecoming my heart swelled out of my chest with so much pride I almost choked. America is the best country around folks. And I know that most of you reading this could not agree more. But it makes me so sad when I see people who live in the greatest country in this world and spew hate about her every chance they get. You know I can get very political these days but this is not a political statement. The fact is that one of the reasons that America is so great is that you have the right to spew that hatred if you so choose. And my husband and others like him will go to work every day to protect that right for you. Am I upset about the recent election…oh absolutely. But I will get over it, the sting will fade. Because I love my country too much to want her to fail just so that the man I didn’t support will look bad.

6) The old adage that “God will never give you more than you can handle” is simply not true. Sometimes he gives you WAY more than you can handle. And all I can figure is that He does it so that when life kicks you to the floor and you can’t get up, you have to humble yourself and reach to your neighbors for help. I am telling you, I would have not physically, emotionally, or mentally survived without the help of family, friends, my church and especially my sister Marine Corps Wives. When I was in pain a friend took Morgan for the evening so that another could drive me to the ER in the middle of the night for a 12 hour girls night out. (And I was the only one that got the good drugs ) When I could barely lift my head friends toted Morgan to school. When we were in Texas for 6 weeks with Brendon people I barely knew spoiled my dog rotten in Tallahassee and my neighbor came in everyday to take care of the most evil cat in the world. And when we came home two of my military wife friends filled our fridge with food, vacuumed, left fresh flowers, febreezed and cleaned up piles of…ahem “Furballs” that the evil cat had left all over the house. Another military kid made Morgan a welcome home sign. While we were gone another military wife brought her teenage son over to mow our lawn. When we returned from Texas my inlaws drove us home 12 hours because I couldn’t drive that distance on Percocet. They turned around 24 hours later to make the 12 hour trip home. When Brendon died people from our church helped me plan a beautiful memorial service in Havelock. When I had to have a procedure done one military wife added my 7 year old to her 3 child household on a school night and a friend from church drove me to the hospital at 5:30 am. A friend from far away had her daughters send a care package to Morgan because she was serving her country as well. I am sure I am leaving someone out because I had to accept the hand of help so many times this deployment that I can never repay each person. I can only hope to reach my hand down to help pick someone off that floor later on in life.

7) After 9 years of marriage I really am crazy about my Marine. As I write this I have to giggle a little because we are currently in the “emotional cycle” we like to call “The Renegotiation of the Marriage” and to be honest we might have to strangle each other by the end of the weekend. But that is a completely normal reaction to being thrown back into your marriage after being the only one in your Queen sixed bed for 7 months. It is natural for me to be protective of “my” remote control and “my” DVR. It is totally reasonable for him to be annoyed that he can’t find anything in his side of the closet because I reorganized it or that he can’t find his shampoo in the shower because I developed a body gel addiction while he was gone. The toilet seat is back up, the fishing channel is back on and there are already fish scales in the driveway. And he has forgotten for a moment that perhaps his wife is not a Marine and might actually bawl her head off if he wakes up in a bad mood because he still can’t sleep past 4 am and his wife has given him the “crud” and his throat is swollen shut. But here are the facts. Absence has truly made my heart grow fonder the past 7 months. Maybe it is because our communication is out of this world now, or maybe it is because we have been married for 9 years, but I am head over heels for that man. Honestly here is the greatest benefit for me as a Marine Wife back in the fleet…back in this 7 month gone, 5 month home cycle of deployment. I have the opportunity to “fall in love” with my husband every year. Would I have the same opportunity if we were not military? Oh sure, you always have that choice in your marriage. But you gotta give the Marine Corps credit…they love to dish out “mandatory fun” and with these deployments they are kinda dishin out “mandatory honeymoons” each year. True we might have to poke each other’s eyes out a couple of times first (you know get it out of our system) but in the end our marriage will be stronger because of this deployment. This is my experience, and mine alone, I know it doesn’t happen that way for everyone. But I think it’s all in how you look at it. You can use it to strengthen your marriage or weaken it…how will you choose to wrap your mind around your next separation? Besides my mother-in- law gets here tonight so I better straighten up and figure out a way to be nicer to her son by the time she walks in or I am in trouble. She raised 2 US Marines by herself in the south. I try to make her happy as often as possible.
 
8) Marine Corps wives are some of the strongest people on the planet. Now, I am not saying that other military wives are not strong, but I didn’t spend the past 7 months with Army wives (except every Sunday night on Lifetime) so I can only attest to my Marine Wife Sisters. And they are incredible. They serve their country each and every day, even when their Marine is home. Because when he is gone they of course have to be Mom, Dad, nurse, chauffer, midnight mechanic, lawn maintainer (ok, I don’t do this but many do), housekeeper, cook, therapist, activities director, veterinarian, baker of 4 dozen brownies each month, and they occasionally do have to shower themselves. Some of them have to bear the children, birth the children and nurse the children all alone. Some of them have fulltime careers. Some of them are full time volunteers. All of them worry on a daily basis and embrace change as a family mantra mandated by the Marine Corps. They are the very best at waiting. Waiting for them to leave, waiting for them to call, waiting for them to return, waiting for the movers, waiting for the orders that will change their lives once again. When their Marines are home they take great pride in looking their very best when they accompany their Marine to the Birthday Ball to celebrate the rich history, traditions and overwhelming pride of the United States Marine Corps. They stay awake for long hours when their Marine is preparing for that next deployment just to kiss him goodnight. She listens to people criticize the wars that her husband fights in and while she may get furious and express her opinion, she rarely stoops to their level. She helps her sister wife who is new to this whole Marine Corps thing by listening to her concerns and maybe by telling her when the very best time to shop at the commissary might be. And she also helps her sister wives who are “seasoned” when they are pulling out their hair because after 15 years they just don’t think they can take another minute. She helps to talk them off that ledge, because she knows she might need talking down in 5 minutes. And they do this with pride and strength and grace and courage. They laugh inside when people say “Don’t you just want your husband home?” because they know that as long as there are Marines, they will always be deployed. Because America loves it’s Marine Corps, they need those Devil Dogs…and we as Marine Wives know why…the rest of the country gets to sleep under the blanket of freedom they help to provide. But we get the great honor of sleeping next to our Marine…even if it is only for a couple months out of every year.